Qu'est-ce que c'est? (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
questcequecest) wrote2010-04-04 09:52 pm
questcequecest) wrote2010-04-04 09:52 pm
Easter Sunday
The wonderful thing about spending time at my in-laws house is the fact that I can spend my time acting like I'm part of the conversation going on, even partake in it, and devote most of my attention to analyzing and thinking things over in my brain. And in the 3 hours that I was with them, that is all that I could come up with:
I am ashamed.
I am ashamed to be writing this. I am ashamed this happened in my own family. I am ashamed I did not speak up about it when it first happened. Instead, I simply left until I could work my thoughts and feelings out and then come back to the table and say:
"W is why Jared and I did X, and this is why situation Y will never ever happen again. And if situation W ever happens again, situation Z will occur."
In this case:
W = My cousins Jake and Andrew running their mouths and using the words "beaner" and "cracker" at the table in a derogatory fashion (wait, wait. Let me clarify: to me, those words are ALWAYS derogatory, and I do not like them), and furthermore "beaner" being used towards another family member, and also joined with an accusation of theft.
X is equal to Jared and me getting up and leaving the table, and sitting in the other room. This was followed quickly by the two of us leaving the whole damn house, and going over to his parents.
Y is the situation that occurred immediately after we left, in which my family complained about our abrupt departure from the table and the house to my parents, and the indication that we are snobbish and do not want to be part of the family. (My response to this is: "If racial comments are to be the accepted norm, and jokes being made that disrespect other cultures, then NO, I do not want to be part of this family.")
Z = the part where I get up and calmly explain that being a racist is never cool and comments that degrade, insult, mock, or otherwise impugn the character of another person based on their culture or skin color will not be tolerated, and the continuation of such behavior will get them in great amounts of trouble.
My grandmother wants the peace kept in this house. Sometimes, things have to be a little rocky so there can be true peace. And I will keep disturbing the peace and speaking my mind until things change.
This house will never be peaceful until everyone who steps in it realizes that this is a place of respect and love, for both family and every other culture on this planet. At one point in time, it was. I remember people coming by our house to seek my Pa out for welding jobs. I remember that he was kind and fair to everyone, and charged them much less than he should have. I remember that he treated the Mexican man who couldn't speak English with as much respect as he did the overly rich white guy from the good part of town. That was the expectation in this house. And it is very disheartening to me, knowing that those ideals are long gone.
When Jared and I have our own apartment, I want that to be known. I want any person I meet or come across to realize that our house is a safe place, where we respect and encourage dialogue and the exchange of ideas and friendship.
I am ashamed.
I am ashamed to be writing this. I am ashamed this happened in my own family. I am ashamed I did not speak up about it when it first happened. Instead, I simply left until I could work my thoughts and feelings out and then come back to the table and say:
"W is why Jared and I did X, and this is why situation Y will never ever happen again. And if situation W ever happens again, situation Z will occur."
In this case:
W = My cousins Jake and Andrew running their mouths and using the words "beaner" and "cracker" at the table in a derogatory fashion (wait, wait. Let me clarify: to me, those words are ALWAYS derogatory, and I do not like them), and furthermore "beaner" being used towards another family member, and also joined with an accusation of theft.
X is equal to Jared and me getting up and leaving the table, and sitting in the other room. This was followed quickly by the two of us leaving the whole damn house, and going over to his parents.
Y is the situation that occurred immediately after we left, in which my family complained about our abrupt departure from the table and the house to my parents, and the indication that we are snobbish and do not want to be part of the family. (My response to this is: "If racial comments are to be the accepted norm, and jokes being made that disrespect other cultures, then NO, I do not want to be part of this family.")
Z = the part where I get up and calmly explain that being a racist is never cool and comments that degrade, insult, mock, or otherwise impugn the character of another person based on their culture or skin color will not be tolerated, and the continuation of such behavior will get them in great amounts of trouble.
My grandmother wants the peace kept in this house. Sometimes, things have to be a little rocky so there can be true peace. And I will keep disturbing the peace and speaking my mind until things change.
This house will never be peaceful until everyone who steps in it realizes that this is a place of respect and love, for both family and every other culture on this planet. At one point in time, it was. I remember people coming by our house to seek my Pa out for welding jobs. I remember that he was kind and fair to everyone, and charged them much less than he should have. I remember that he treated the Mexican man who couldn't speak English with as much respect as he did the overly rich white guy from the good part of town. That was the expectation in this house. And it is very disheartening to me, knowing that those ideals are long gone.
When Jared and I have our own apartment, I want that to be known. I want any person I meet or come across to realize that our house is a safe place, where we respect and encourage dialogue and the exchange of ideas and friendship.