Qu'est-ce que c'est? (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
questcequecest) wrote2011-04-21 05:10 pm
questcequecest) wrote2011-04-21 05:10 pm
(no subject)
(An unwritten letter to my husband)
I am attempting to make this experience a positive one, and you are not helping. Please do not remind me that this is wrong, and not fair, and you don't approve of the way I'm handling it. I may have been cheated out of something, but instead of letting it get me down, I'm trying to turn it into something good.
Let's think of it this way:
I will no longer need to give myself a pep talk to get out of bed and go to work every morning.
I will not be anxious and nervous and apologizing for every single thing that is not my fault anymore.
I will no longer be secretly refilling those anti-anxiety meds and taking them every day just to function.
I won't come home from work and not talk to you for three hours because I'm so frustrated that if I speak a word I'm going to burst into tears.
I can already feel my creative spark coming back at the thought of having time to do things. I have three lines of poetry bouncing around in my head, waiting to be turned into something interesting. I can look at dance blogs and videos and not feel a little empty anymore.
I could fight. I could go to HR, yell, complain, and get my job back. But then I would be miserable. And I don't want that. I don't want to work there. I would be fighting for something I don't want to do. (Don't tell me it's the principle of the matter and that she shouldn't be aloud to do this. It is not worth the effort that I would have to put in.) Besides, I have almost as many hours working in another department, with the possibility of getting more. And I actually LIKE my job over there.
I view leaving that office as a way of getting my life back. And I would appreciate a little support as I try and find my path, and figure out my happiness in life.
I am attempting to make this experience a positive one, and you are not helping. Please do not remind me that this is wrong, and not fair, and you don't approve of the way I'm handling it. I may have been cheated out of something, but instead of letting it get me down, I'm trying to turn it into something good.
Let's think of it this way:
I will no longer need to give myself a pep talk to get out of bed and go to work every morning.
I will not be anxious and nervous and apologizing for every single thing that is not my fault anymore.
I will no longer be secretly refilling those anti-anxiety meds and taking them every day just to function.
I won't come home from work and not talk to you for three hours because I'm so frustrated that if I speak a word I'm going to burst into tears.
I can already feel my creative spark coming back at the thought of having time to do things. I have three lines of poetry bouncing around in my head, waiting to be turned into something interesting. I can look at dance blogs and videos and not feel a little empty anymore.
I could fight. I could go to HR, yell, complain, and get my job back. But then I would be miserable. And I don't want that. I don't want to work there. I would be fighting for something I don't want to do. (Don't tell me it's the principle of the matter and that she shouldn't be aloud to do this. It is not worth the effort that I would have to put in.) Besides, I have almost as many hours working in another department, with the possibility of getting more. And I actually LIKE my job over there.
I view leaving that office as a way of getting my life back. And I would appreciate a little support as I try and find my path, and figure out my happiness in life.